There
is one power every person has. This power is strong. This power is enticing.
This power will drive people to fight with passion and it will make others hide
in fear. This power can make the
impossible possible, and the unobtainable obtained. This is the power of the
idea. It is a small word, idea. Just four letters. In that word is the energy needed to brighten
a light bulb for the first time and the notion to set sail from Spain to see if
the Indi’s can be reached following the setting sun. However, ideas are only as
good as the person how gets them is at communicating these ideas.
I had
an idea once. My idea was fantastic. My idea needed to be communicated. To me communication is the sharing of ideas
and thoughts by any means necessary to get those ideas and thoughts understood
correctly, then improved on with further communication between two or more
parties. Because of this belief I needed to find someone to share my idea with.
So I told it to my best friend Geoff. The relationship between Geoff and I
could have been the model Mark Knapp used to develop the “stages in coming
together” portion of his Relational Development Model (Trenholm, 2008). There
are five stages in this model and I hit every one of them with Geoff. There was
an outright initiating of the relationship by my while standing next to him in
line while we were both in the eighth grade during the first week of school.
There was classic experimentation with the relationship while we figured out each
other’s likes and dislikes, then the friendship began to be intensified and
integrated during the first sleep over then came the bonding.
Telling
my idea to Geoff was not difficult. I have always possessed enough skill in
face-to-face communications to make explaining an idea as simple and as
fantastic as mine easy. My spontaneity and stubbornness can make me difficult
to deal with at times when I am having face-to-face conversations, but my
honesty and bluntness make these conversations meaningful and insightful. At
that time my spoken language skills were good.
I was never prone to stuttering and my voice has always been loud and
clear. I did not bring any notes when I went to talk with him, nor did I need
to. The idea was fresh, our lines of communication were open, and the spontaneous
and improvised way we communicated lent itself well to building and nurturing the
idea to the point of plausible adventure. I also went to Geoff because I needed
feedback on my idea. When it comes to feedback, I will always try to listen
intently and then try to make clear that I understand what was said to me. I
may not always appreciate the feedback but just knowing how others feel about
what I am thinking does go a long way. In the dialogue between Geoff and me it
was determined that this idea was too big for the two of us to handle on our
own. We needed to expand our numbers and get a few of our friends involved in
this idea that was going to shape the way our small town of 3,500 people
thought about this gang of eighth graders. We needed a group.
There
were five of us. Not a large group by any means. Two hours after telling Geoff
about this now wonderfully fantastic, town changing idea, I was explaining it
to the others. Initially, the conversation was rough. This is because neither
Geoff nor I took any notes during our back and forth conversation. But once the
key words in my idea were spilled out for the five of us to mull over and talk
about, the group communications began, and then my sapling of an idea was formed
in to a might oak with many branches that would be sturdy enough to build a
house on.
Since the days of my first group communication
exercise, my skills have in this area have increased exponentially. Now I take
notes, I have a good understanding of the key points that need to be discussed
and I allow others to have their say without interrupting or belittling their
ideas by talking down to them or thinking that their ideas are worthless.
Today, in group discussions I am usually a leader. I believe this stems to my
days as that eighth grader when I had four other kids looking to me to get a
masterful job done on a project that was, in our minds, to be the greatest
thing ever. However, these days, I will not force myself in to a leadership
role unless the time and situation calls for me to take the lead. I have since
learned that I have a type B personality. According to TypeAPersonality.org a
person who is type B is not hostile and aggressive and they are hardly ever
affected by stress. They are usually happy go lucky individuals who do not
believe in getting aggressive in order to get their way.” (typeapersonalty.org,
2011) This one definition of my personality when communicating with others is
spot on. I am a problem solver. I am an idea man. I can see what is wrong and
come up with several solutions for correcting the problem. Also, when compared
to my eighth grade self, I am more confident. I no longer need to seek the
approval of my peers to feel that my ideas are good enough to be great.
One important lesson I learned while leading
the five of us to an undisclosed location was I demand loyalty and devotion. I
think this is because when I start a project I am devoted to it and will not
disclose any secrets to that project until the job is either done or is at a
point where completion is not likely and changes need to be made to keep the
ball rolling. I also learned that I can demand these characteristics from
people who see me as their leader and still as a friend to them. I did this
then and do this now by listening to ideas that come from my team, and
implementing the good ones and giving the ideas which are sub-par a place in
the organization where they may be able to grow and turn in to an idea that is
great.
My wonderfully amazing idea had turned in to a
project. This project was rolling. There were five of us working in tight
conditions, often, invading personal spaces, all in an effort to get the job
done. During the times when we were not working on the project, we were talking
about the project, drawing new ideas for the project, and then bringing those
ideas to each other in class and during lunch hour to see what the others
thought. Two weeks passed before our families were started to notice and come
around to see what we were doing. The project was intruding on the family lives
of four families. It was time to tell the parents.
Family communication is usually the beginning
of everyone’s communication experience. Our dialects, accents, mannerisms, and
ways of speak are learned from first observing, then participating in these
conversations with our families. There are roles that every members of a family
takes, and I am no different. In my current family I take on three roles. These
roles are basic and could be defined further, but for the most part I am a
father, husband, and son. I put them in that order because that is how I view
their importance. I am at first a father. This is the job I take most to heart.
My interactions with my daughter are going to shape her entire life. For this reason
I keep open communication with her always. I have always told my daughter Brooklyn
that no matter what the problem is, or how much she thinks she is going to get
in to trouble, she can always tell me what is on her mind. This is not to say
that I let her talk back to me or speak out of turn. Learning when an
appropriate time to speak is is is part of learning to be a good communicator. One
quick thought; we are always telling our children to listen, but is this to
make those children better communicators or to stop them from talking? I know
while learning the basics for communication I have been teaching my daughter
the importance of listening and the basics for how to be a good listener.
Sometimes she listens too well and repeats back to me things I said in hast
(like promising to go to The Jersey for
some ice-cream), but I know that this is part of the listening process and I
talk the good with the bad. My wife and I have done a good job teaching her to
be an active member in any conversation.
With my wife I am a husband. Here is an
interesting fact about my wife and me where hyperpersonal theory (Trenholm,
2008) has taken place. She and I met online before meeting online was cool. Our
relationship began with a lot of talking. Partly because we were both
apprehensive about taking it to the next step, but once we had an idea of which
we both were the next step happened and we went on a date. Because she and I
had talked for quite some time before the big date we were able to delve in to
more personal conversations. There was no need to feel each other out in
awkward and sometimes damaging ways. We could be ourselves. This worked out
wonderfully. We have a wonderful dynamic in our relationship; we know each
other very well because of all the time we spent talking. There are not a lot
of times where we are unable to guess what the other is thinking. This comes
from years of interactions, arguments, and periods of long phone calls while I
am away for work. Even though my wife, Stephanie, and I have been together for
a long time we are not the same people we were when we met twelve years ago. Yet,
at the core of our relationship is that same spark, those same beliefs that we
both fell in love with. This is a good representation of the Social Penetration
Model that was developed by Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor (Trenholm, 2008).
She and I both are open to new ideas and experiences and as our view on topics
change we are more than willing to adapt to the new view, but at our cores we
are the same person we were all that time ago; our communication has always
been open.
Openness and good communication is not quite
the case with the “son” part of my life. My parents and I seldom talk. In fact,
I have not talked to my dad more than twice in the past five years. I believe
this is why I try so hard with Brooklyn. I know how it feels not being able to
talk to my father and I do not want Brooklyn to have those feelings about me. I
want to nurture every one of her crazy ideas.
Crazy ideas I lead me to some interesting places.
My interesting ideas have gotten back in to college. Those ideas have led me to
my wife. Those crazy little ideas have also led me in to an organization with
millions of members across the globe. I had an idea to become a Freemason. This
organization has introduced me to hundreds of men and women across the country
with one common goal; the betterment of Freemasonry. That is where the
similarities stop. Trying to organize a fundraiser for three hundred people
while dealing with differing opinions from details as large as where to hold
the event to details as small as what color the napkins should be can be
frustrating. Because of my experience with these fine people I have learned a
great deal about myself. I am adaptive, honest, flexible, and decisive. I have
also learned the importance of integrating new technology into old
organizations (Freemasonry in Ohio is over 200 years old), and the importance
of being able to mediate between two disagreeing parties. Some of my ideas get
me into trouble with the older members of the lodge; the members who have done
things this way for years and they will be “damned” if I am going to change
them. But when a person becomes Master of the lodge, some changes happen and
making those changes transition smoothly with good communication is the only
way to get the job done correctly.
Being the leader of my fine organization I
have had the privilege of taking part in a few heated arguments, most of which
I lost because of my inexperience and my age. The Toulmin Model (Trenholm,
2008) is going to give me the structure I need to make the points I want known
clear, and my arguments for or against those points be well stated.
I had an idea once. This idea led me from my
room as a pre-teen, to my friend’s house, to a group of my friends to a tall
tree house in the back of my father’s yard. Because I was able to develop my
idea into a visible object that did not quite change the world as much as it
changed my dad’s backyard, I was able to find myself in a position to meet my wife,
have a daughter, and start a family. I have led in my career and in
organizations that I am a member of. Throughout my life the one constant with
me has been my ability to communicate my ideas. Communication to me is the
sharing of ideas and thoughts by any means necessary to get those ideas and
thoughts initially understood correctly, then improved on with further
communication between two or more parties. I have tried to do this throughout
my entire life. I have an idea. I have a power; the power to communicate my
idea.
Trenholm,
S. (2008). Thinking through communication: An introduction to the study of
human communication (6th ed.). Boston: Pearson Education.
TypeaPersonality.org (2011).
Type B Personality Traits in Detail.
Retrieved July 23, 2011from
http://typeapersonality.org/typebpersonalitytraits.php